I’ve been feeling really restless since I quit my second job. Hell, I felt restless before I quit. To be honest, I feel like that kid in the back of the classroom shooting spitballs at the wall. I’m starting to understand that it is all a side effect of my extra time and energy. When I was working an additional twenty-four hours a week, it was an overabundance of mental energy. My job simply didn’t require enough from me. Now, I also have extra physical energy and time.
These are not things that I’m used to.
I’m used to going too fast for too long. In high school I signed up for every extracurricular activity I could find. In four years I was involved in cheerleading, band, student council, yearbook, newspaper, and National Honor Society. That was on top of an honors and advanced placement curriculum.
College was a similar story. I graduated from one of the top journalism schools in the country. I was involved in my dorm council, colleges against cancer, and three years of running the yearbook, which pretty much entails knowing about every single thing that happens on campus.
Shortly after graduating, Bill proposed and I had a wedding that I was more than happy to throw myself into. Now, there are no projects, no to-do lists, no homework, no meetings. I’ve always considered myself to be self-motivated, but apparently I get a little lost without deadlines and syllabi.
Don’t get me wrong, there is plenty I could be doing. There is a 1400 square foot house that needs a ton of work. Pretty much every room in this place needs painted, and that is just the beginning. But because of all the problems we’ve had and are still having, (read: showering in the basement) I’m nervous to start anything unnecessary.
On the plus side, I have been writing more. This blog has really been my saving grace. And I’m working on a fiction piece that I’m really excited about. Having the time to read has really motivated my writing. For these reasons, I am exceedingly grateful for my free time.
I may have taken the long road on this one, but I’ve finally realized that at twenty-five, I am responsible for finding balance in my own big picture. But more on that tomorrow.